If you have seen our vlogs then you might remember hearing our theme music. The song is by an artist named Patrick Briggs who was the lead singer in a band called Psychotica. I’ve been listening to their music since high school (late 90’s). Tonz of memories are associated with their two albums… Anyways, the song in our vlog is called “You Can’t Scrub Your Soul Clean”. It’s a preview of the new album he has been working on.

They say that you can bring a horse to water but you can’t make them drink and I think that also goes with people too. When someone is ready for change in their life they will know.

As I said before I have always been overweight. In high school I was a 16-18 & who knows how much I actually weighed. The thing is you can’t really tell due to my Amazonian qualities (5’8″) but I never fit into normal clothes and when I went to college it got worse. Living on my own, going to school, going out, relying on fast food because I didn’t really know how to cook but macaroni and spaghetti. There was also alot going on. But since I’ve always just been bigger, taller, and louder I just assumed I was supposed to always be this way. It wasn’t until I met a girl in my college tap/jazz dance class that said she was a size 10 1/2 shoe and was 5’8″ that I realized I could possibly be that way too.

So why do I use this song on our vlog? As it turns out these past few years have really hit me hard as a dancer, tour guide, & actress. The confidence in myself retracted and I became unsure of myself in front of kids and other dancers. I have confidence in myself but it’s almost like its a sick twisted version of myself that I decided to present to people instead of the real me. It’s the idea of myself that I seem to sell and share.

What people don’t know about the real me was after working on shows I would go home alone and eat heavy carb loaded foods almost every night. Just like when I was younger I would eat a bowl of sugary cereal to help me sleep. It’s a habit. Except now older I was also buying wine bottles and would drink a whole bottle by myself to wash it all away. When I moved to New York it got worse especially after breaking up with my fiance (who is an alcoholic) at the time and then losing my job and being on unemployment. I buried myself with alcohol and food. I was successful in other areas of my life but it’s pretty bad when you all of a sudden are getting asked to be on national tv and special tv shows and then seeing the real you. Not the projection but the real deal.

The song lyrics mention having a window of opportunity and that it takes so much energy to change. You have to have the courage.

The lyrics goes on to say:

“Put your finger on the trigger and come off so ungrateful…

And when the panic drops it never stops blame the clowns they bring you down
Throw it all away, throw it all away.
When the laughter muffles the screams,
You can scrub your body till your blue in the face but you can’t scrub your soul clean.”

And as I was listening to it right after getting another intervention by my dancer friends and it just hit me. I found myself on the subway crying. Hard.

The song may be about doing drugs and faith but eating bad foods is also just as bad as having a heroine addiction and then blaming whoever hurt you in your past for your present situation.

I decided right there things were going to change. I will no longer be the victim. I am embracing this new lifestyle and change and will definitely be drinking lots of water!!!!

Here’s to Under200pounds.com

#grateful #truth #findingAmada

Links to Patrick Briggs new song and album: http://patrickbriggs.bandcamp.com It’s great for the Vlog right? I love the rock opera sound! Thanks Pat for letting me use it. YOU ARE AMAZO! 🙂