Some people call today “Black Friday” but for me today it has been “White Light Reflection Day”. I had some time spent alone to count blessings and think about everything that’s happened in the past 5 years since moving to New York. (2008-2014+)
There was a year when I was away from my family and felt so alone, there was year when I lost 50 pounds like it was nothing, there was a year when I felt like giving up on my dreams just to compromise, there was a year where I was nothing but bitter to the world for having my heart broken, there was a year when I was literally counting pennies to buy toilet paper and soap never sure where the next meal was going to come from and scared to go to bed because I was waiting for the landlord to kick me out because I was late on my rent for the 3rd time.
I had also lost my brother Kurt and two close friends Boogie Man George and Freddy who I had lived with for 2 years in Miami and my Aunt Ramona. Unexplainable crying would happen randomly on the train just thinking about them. How their lives were cut short unfairly. Well except for my Aunt who died before she was 103. Life is crazy.
And then one day there was something that went off inside me like a firework or explosion.
I started to think about all those times when I was struggling; crying, and feeling helpless and I realized that I was denying the world my true self. It was time to stop playing victim and start taking charge. I told myself and I told the world that I didn’t need to wait till it was perfect before living it. I AM PERFECT. Well as perfect as god intended for me to be. I didn’t need the perfect voice, or need to have a huge savings account or business plan before starting my own business and getting my license, no need to wait until I lost a huge amount of weight before getting out there and sharing my dreams. I actually started to look at those powerful friends of mine and started actually listening to them when they would say “Amada where’s YOUR show?!” or “Amada when was the last time you auditioned? Do you do commercials or film? No? You need to get out there and audition! Amada DO IT!!”
The world was just going to have to take me as I am. Every single pound. Every single dream. Just me.
And then I had a year where I started to realize there were friends and support all around me and I was grateful for that. I was meeting new people every day and I was grateful for each new lesson I had. I met an amazing guy who reflected me like a mirror. When I was sad he was sad, when I was happy he held me and laughed alongside me. Every time I was $2 short one week he had $2 to lend me and vice versa. These new friends started to say to me “Oh you want to do what? Ok. Let’s do it.” other friends STEPPED up and said “WE LOVE YOU-Please try to better your health. We want you to be STRONGER”. They offered me money for healthy foods and offered advice to show me in the dance mirror how to DO IT.
A new dream began because I realized I wasn’t alone anymore that there was a huge network of support every time I turned around. Then I went for it…and I couldn’t believe what I was doing was actually making me money. Then people told me on my tours that I should be on Broadway. I got offers to be on TV. I got offers to work with several talented Broadway producers and I was able to help out a lot of other people by donating tours for silent auctions or fundraisers. I saw that all that hard work really paid off and I found inspiration all around me every single day.
So 2014 watch out because I am making a plan to outdo 2013 and I challenge all of you reading this to rock it out along with ME. Are you ready? OK. Get that paper and pen out and start writing down your bucket list of top 10 things you want to see happen next year or within the next 5 years. Get it out. Write a list of 5-7 powerful words that might associate with energizing those commitments. Then get some magazines and or a printer and print out pictures. Create a vision board. For example, I love to sing and be in the spotlight so next to a picture of me singing on stage I would write “SHINE!”. Try placing things that you already have and are truly grateful for like maybe a picture of your best friend or family and write “LOVE”. Make one for a year’s worth. Make however many you need. The object is to get it out of your head and up in front of you every day. Take a picture of it. Place it as your desktop picture. Hang it on your door before you walk out of the house or near your TV or on the fridge or in your office. Each day say “Thank YOU” for all that I already have and then with that same LOVE and ENTHUSIASM say “THANK YOU” for what you want to accomplish or THANK YOU for what you want. Carry those thoughts with you all day. Subconsciously you will start to find that you are energizing those commitments step by step and opening up your energy field to accepting and shifting the universe to make it MAGICKALLY happen around you. When it does simply say with as much love as you can “thank you” and then get ready because your life is going to change.
As I am learning I am sharing and I am excited. Excited for myself and excited for you too! Thank you for being my friend, my family, my X-boyfriend or x-friend, thank you for everything. You never know how you can change someone’s life simply by believing in them!!!